Lessons On Prayer From A Gift Catalog: Part II

Note: This reflection follows on the heels of Part I

But my lessons on prayer from the gift catalog were not over yet.

Some days after several children expressed interest in "buying a cow and some chickens," I got on the phone to find out just how much each animal costs. It was a simple question, I thought, but the answer proved more complicated.

After getting a representative from the charity on the line, I soon found out that gifts "toward the purchase of a cow" essentially go into a pooled livestock fund. All well and good, except for the fact that I had really hoped to get pictures back of the cows we purchased alongside their happy new owners. I asked the representative if it would be possible for my children to receive pictures of recipients alongside their new cows?

No. There is no one-to-one matching between donors and cows.

Bummer.

She was making perfect sense, but it wasn't what I had hoped to hear. Could they send us a picture of someone receiving a cow, even if there is no exact mapping between donor dollars and any particular cow?

No.

Frustration. This conversation was not going according to plan. I changed the topic to the possibility of a life-saving surgery that we were also considering. Would we be able to know what that surgery would be? Know who it would be for?

No.

More frustration. Here too, however, the woman was making perfect sense. There were privacy issues at stake, plus the fact that surgery decisions are made pretty quickly, so they cannot predict in advance where the money yada yada yada...

The conversation was friendly enough, and I understood where the woman was coming from, but I got off the phone feeling rather frustrated and deflated.

The fact of the matter was, I had wanted to get some photos and stories to go with our giving. Adults can do without photos, but I felt that photos would make a big difference for my children. Photos would make more the reality of their gift-giving more concrete.

But a thought began to nag me. It wasn't entirely about my children. When it came down to it, I too wanted to know what surgery we had purchased, if we went that route.

I began to consider alternative options. In our home there were other gift catalogs of the same nature. Hmmmm. We could buy a buffalo for a family in India from that other catalog instead. Maybe they could accommodate my request for photos.

And in came the painful realization. New insights into my own brokenness.

I have no business approaching these gift catalogs like an American consumer, but that's exactly what I'm doing.

Ouch.

I had gone into that phone call with a shopping agenda. When I didn't hear what I wanted to hear, I started to consider shopping elsewhere. That's pretty arrogant and rude, considering what's at stake on the other side of this transaction. Families in need swinging in the balance of my own petty shopping preferences.

Once again, I began to see connections between the gift catalog and prayer.

• I should not have approached the gift catalog as a consumer.
Neither should I enter into prayer as a consumer.

• I was expecting the charity to tell me precisely what I bought.
Sometimes I expect God to do the same with my prayers.

• When I didn't perceive the charity to be fawning over my charity dollars, I was tempted to spend them elsewhere.
When I don't perceive God to be fawning over my prayer time, I am tempted to spend it elsewhere.

• The charity will put my money to good use.
God will do the same with my prayers.

• But I don't make the rules for the charity.
And God is in charge of the prayer business.

These thoughts were making me squirm, and probing questions from God began to surface in my mind.

Pilgrim, when you pray to me for someone else... Is it about you? Or about me and them?

Ouch.

Pilgrim, when I answer your prayers with a Yes, you often make it known that you were praying. Are you trying to claim ownership of outcomes that came from my hand alone?

Double Ouch.

But little Pilgrim, when I answer other prayers with a No, you get pretty silent. That isn't very consistent, is it?

Triple Ouch.

My child, I answer all of your prayers well. But my ways are not yours, and my reasons are not yours. Will you still trust me with the outcomes?

...Or do you expect me too to send you photos?

Note: This reflection continues with an Epilogue