Perhaps I Must Be The First To Change

I have observed in my life that I gladly take note of certain "signs" (real or imagined) that God is indeed in agreement with my recent thoughts, concerns or actions. These signs arrive frequently in the form of scripture verses that come my way unrequested, comments in books I am reading, sermons that speak to the same topic... situations that arise over the course of the day... you name it.

We're all looking for signs that we're not alone on our quest. I suspect I'm not terribly unusual in this regard. That said, I must admit that these sorts of sightings are always at risk of sliding toward something akin to Christian astrology. But I digress.

Anyway... I noticed yesterday that I was ignoring some "signs" that were quite obvious. If I had been looking for them, they would have bowled me over. But since the little confirming messages were in utter opposition to my chosen course.... I didn't like them. So I tried to pretend I had not seen them. God was talking, but I wasn't listening. Didn't want to.

But God didn't let me off the hook, and a little voice in my head pointed out the hypocrisy in what I was doing (I hate that...) and forced me to return to what God was saying to me through the books I was reading that morning.

The message was quite clear. Don't focus so much on when and how that other person is going to change. I want YOU to change.

The situation with the other person need not be described in any detail. Suffice it to say that, in my great spiritual wisdom, I felt that someone in my life needed to change. Nothing extraordinarily serious, but serious differences in opinion nevertheless. I wanted that person to come to share my viewpoint, but I wasn't thinking about how to woo them in this regard. No. I wanted to hold the high moral ground and wait for this individual to ascend to my heights. Preferably on hands and knees. (These are exagerrated words, to be sure, but perhaps not so exaggerated as I'd wish them to be.)

God apparently had a different take on the matter, and he shared those thoughts with me via two back-to-back readings from two separate books.

First, the passage from Douglas Steere:

“You may pray for the release of some area of life in a friend and find that you are called upon to set right something in your own life that has acted as a stumbling block to him. ... In intercessory prayer one seldom ends where one begins.”

Food for thought. For another day. I put the book down and picked up The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis next. My hands were fast, but God was faster still. Resuming my reading at the point of the bookmark, I found this:

Everyone, it is true, wishes to do as he pleases and is attracted to those who agree with him. But if God be among us, we must at times give up our opinions for the blessings of peace. Furthermore, who is so wise that he can have full knowledge of everything? Do not trust too much in your own opinions, but be willing to listen to those of others. If, though your own be good, you accept another's opinion for love of God, you will gain much more merit; for I have often heard that it is safer to listen to advice and take it than to give it. It may happen, too, that while one's own opinion may be good, refusal to agree with others when reason and occasion demand it, is a sign of pride and obstinacy.

So I put that book down too. But God wasn't having it. With both sets of words hammering at me, I reluctantly began to consider how they might be applied to my day. A novel thought. Practical application!

I really don't know what exactly what needs to happen next between that person and me in order to resolve our impasse. I suppose I'll have to trust that one to the Lord. But this much I do know now, thanks to God's gentle sledgehammer: my heart was in the wrong place, and the first person who needs to change is me.

Sufficient unto the day is this task alone.