Marital Arrangements: A Brief Biblical Tour

As I was reading Genesis 16 the other day, it struck me that verses 1-6 were virtually a once-over review on what works (or does not work) with various models of marriage. I lay them out here briefly. It's rather tongue-in-cheek, of course, despite the seriousness of the situation.

The Case For Bigamy

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar...

Whether Abram thought this was a good idea or a bad idea, we'll never know, but he did comply with his wife's demands. Bigamy enters Abram's story. The fruits of this new marital arrangement (literal and figurative) were quite predictable, however...

The Case For Monogamy

...and she [Hagar] became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt.

Things are heading south quickly. If Abram didn't get it before, this is perhaps the point at which he began to see potential flaws in the new family structure. Watching these two women grow in mutual hatred and scorn must have been a gut-wrenchingly unpleasant experience.

Monogamy, I humbly suggest, must at this point in the story have been starting to regain its allure for our friend Abram.

The Case For Celibacy

Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!”

At this point, I can just hear Abraham muttering to himself, "And this is my fault because.... ??? ??? ???" The famous Jewish refrain suffices well here. "Why ME?"

Right about now, neither bigamy nor monogamy are necessarily looking like great options. I'm wondering if at this point Abram was beginning to wistfully remember the charms of celibacy. Ah yes, those glorious days of freedom before the browbeatings began.

But Abram was a man of integrity, so his options were limited. This leads us to another option, the last reserve for those committed to continue in marriage for the long haul, be it bigamous or monogamous...

The Case For Resignation

Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.”

The famous male response. I'm out of here. Do what you want. I'm going to go check on the camels. I'd lay high odds that after Abram uttered these words he quickly headed for the ancient near-east equivalent of the modern man's garage. Abram, of course, is a tremendously important biblical figure — the father, as they say, of three faiths. Here, however, he is just another guy who failed to protect a vulnerable woman.

God, in contrast, has always been the One who sees us, loves us, and protects us —which is what hapless Hagar discovers after Sarai lets loose all her fury upon her defenseless maidservant. It's wonderful to see how God never loses sight of anyone, least of all the underdogs in life, be they barren women, scorned maidservants, or wandering Jews in search of a home.

God comes out looking good in this messy story, even if nobody else does.