In Defense Of Doing Drugs In Solitude

So, yeah, the title of this reflection is more than a little bit of bait and switch. Aside from the occasional Ibuprofen, I don't ingest or inhale drugs.

That having been said, over the decades of my life I've enjoyed one particular drug above all others. A medical professional or psychiatrist could probably put a name on it, but it's clearly a chemical that my brain releases from time to time, and boy is it pleasurable!

So pleasurable, in fact, that I remember random times in my life when I basked in the glow of this high. The situations were often quite mundane.

An example: I'm sitting at my cubicle at work, and a co-worker is explaining some new software he wrote or something. That was two decades ago, but I remember the high quite well.

More recently, I got a quick hit when my physical therapist (I'm recovering from a tendon injury in my thumb) gave my hand focused attention.

I've been reflecting upon this chemical reaction in my brain and what triggers it, especially after that recent visitation with the therapist.

The fact is, I love that drug, and I'd like to feel it more often.

Why? Well, in a sense, that's kind of obvious. But not so fast! It's not, in the end, the high but rather the situation that I am addicted to.

I get that high, quite frankly, when I feel that someone is paying particular attention to me because that person cares about me.

I'm an ordinary human being, so I wonder if this is a universal trait of being human or if others would look at me askance when I say that the high is situated somewhere in the back of my head and literally flows down my neck and into my upper torso.

Needless to say, the therapist is just doing their job, working on my thumb, so this drug is not to be trusted as any final authority! But I was struck the other day by two question:

1) Can this high be achieved in solitude? Human solitude, that is.
2) Can this high be maintained? Last longer than a moment or two?

I ask this question because when I seek a quiet space each morning, I'm seeking to bask in the presence of God.

I want to know that God is watching me, and doting over me with Love.

What's more, I want to bask in that Love. All day.

The tension is this: We must seek God, seek God first, seek God only. Drug highs are optional, and if they do arrive, they bloody well had better help us function better in life as God's children than we would without them.

But there are two good answers to those two questions. Answering the second question first... Ain't no way that high is gonna persist. Healthy highs that our brains deliver free of charge never last long.

As for the first question, it must be noted that (speaking for myself) this high will never come while I'm searching the back of my head for a button to push. It comes when I feel loved.

That having been said, if those feelings start to flow during my quiet time? Perhaps I am becoming more able to believe that God is present with me, watching me closely, and that God loves me. That'd be a good thing.

I would wish this brief high for anyone who seeks a quiet moment in the throne room of God.