Don't Die Defending Hills You Haven't Named

I got angry with someone yesterday. Someone I love very much. In the process of working through that situation, I came to a painful realization.

I was defending the wrong hill.

It was my own words that caught me out. My own bitter words. Things I myself said helped me to name the hill I was defending.

And once the hill had been named? I knew it was the wrong hill.

It was not a hill worth dying on.

My hill's name is not a secret I need to keep. It's this: I Am Smart.

That's an ugly name for a hill. Which is fitting, because the hill is ugly too.

So why do I defend this hill? Why is it a hill I'm willing to die on?

Because I have buried some of my dignity at the top of it.

Yes, my own words last night caught me out. Gave my hill a name. The name was always there. I just hadn't taken the time to find out what it was.

Bad hills are a dime a dozen. There's no shortage of bad hills to die on. I Am Smart is just one of many. I chose that hill because I'm pretty bright.

But there are many others to choose from, and most of us have buried our dignity at the top of the ones we find easiest to climb. There are patches of fresh dirt dotting the summits of other local peaks named I Am beautiful, I Am Powerful, I Am Athletic and I Am Rich, to name but a few.

(I Am Spiritual has a lot of freshly turned soil too. I know this to be true because I've been to the top of that hill myself. Several times.)

But hills that are easily ascended are also easily descended. Hills named after our talents and earthly attributes cannot be held indefinitely.

I need to stop and name the hills I'm defending. The ones I cannot keep.

And move on to a better hill with a better name. One worth dying on.

Golgotha means Skull. That doesn't sound real hot, but that, my friends, is the hill Jesus chose to die on. He bids us to follow him up the same hill.

No, death to self doesn't sounds very rosy or safe. But paradoxically, this is the road to life. And what's more, the dignity Jesus gives to us no one can ever take away. It's a dignity we don't have to hide, protect, or defend.

Golgotha is a hill worth dying on.