Conversations in my Head: a Leading Indicator

I've been holding a conversation in my head for several days now.

Well... actually... it's more like weeks.

Hmmm... truth be told, month's would be closer to the mark.

I'm not kidding.

It may surprise no one to discover that the conversation is best described as an argument. And it's not with myself. It's with someone else.

I'm happy to report that I've been winning the argument. Hands down. It's a bit like war games exercises in the military. I keep re-running and re-running the argument, to see how it works with different twists. And I keep winning it.

But actually, I'm losing. I'm losing because the argument in my head is a cheap substitute for healthy conflict resolution that ought to be playing out in real life.

Thus the title of this reflection. By the time I find myself re-running a conversation (or argument) in my head more than once, I think I have all I need to know about what unfinished business I'm carrying around with me.

I need to have a cozy chat with God, and let the matter go.

Or...

I need to have that conversation with some special somebody. And see it through.

But arguing endlessly in the privacy of my own head is helping no one. It's a Losing Indicator.

The other person may have no clue that something's wrong. Or maybe they do know something is wrong, are rightly afraid to take the top off a screaming kettle of steam. Either way the net of it, for the other person, is a diminished relationship.

As for me? I'm certainly worse off. I know that because when I hold these closed-door sessions in my head, my gut keeps informing me that it's a whole-body affair, whether my head likes it or not.

And it ain't healthy.

I know this is Healthy Living 101 stuff, and yet somehow the notion of treating arguments in my head as a leading indicator feels like a new thought. I'm not sure why.

In any case, I guess I have my marching orders now. Or at least a leading from the Lord.

Will I follow?