Gary's Corollary

Gary's Corollary... It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

One of the few chapel messages I still remember from my college days was delivered by a man named Gary Ginter.

I think one of the reasons I reserved some space in my brain to remember that name was the fact that I wanted to "do what he does" when I got out of college. Somehow it's never hard to remember the name of the pretty girl you want to date or the name of the man you'd like to work for. I left college dateless and jobless, however, so my zeal in this regard reaped no short-term benefits.

Seeing as twenty years have now passed and seeing as I am now both happily married and gainfully employed, perhaps it is time to for me to forget Gary's name? Along with the name of a few loves lost? Have you ever tried hard to forget a name you've already committed to memory? Ah well. But I digress.

I took one thought away from Gary's chapel talk that day. In it he suggested a simple strategy for those crossroad moments when we are forced to choose between several equally good (or bad) options.

So you've prayed.

So you've pondered.

And you still don't know just what to do.

There are good reasons to go either way.

What to do?

Gary suggested this: Go with the alternative which requires more faith.

To my mind his suggestion immediately sounded just counter-intuitive to have that ring of authenticity and truth. Occasionally it has helped me to make a decision. Gary's Dictum has stayed with me.

I usually applied Gary's Dictum to decisions which largely impacted me alone. "What is God's will for my life?" kinds of questions. I don't recall whether Gary implied any such restrictions, but that's how worked out in my head in any case.

I am struck, as I write this, by an important aside. I know today (through painful hindsight) that many truly important decisions are best approached in community. Holy Spirit guidance can be a dangerous thing when in isolation I decide what He is saying. But that digression I'll resist for the purposes of this little blog, before it ceases to be little.

But back to Gary's Dictum. A week or two ago I suddenly stumbled upon a corollary to it. I was facing another one of those famous "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations. As is typically the case, it involved someone else. Conflict. Interpersonal stuff. What to do...

I could respond in fashion A — and it would be good because of X... but bad because of Y.

Or I could respond with B — and that approach would be good because of P... but bad because of Q.

Usually for me, these conundrums have to do with the old Truth vs Love tug-of-war.

Do I speak Love? (And disregard Truth problems in their life?)

Or do I speak Truth? (And in doing so not seem to Love them much?)

What to do.

And in the midst of another one of those moments of indecision, Gary's Dictum rose up from the mist of my mind.

Or should I say Gary's Corollary?

It goes like this: When it's a toss-up... when in doubt... respond in a manner that requires more of the good character trait you possess less of.

That means (for me) that I have to Love them.

I know others who struggle not with Love, but with Truth. For them Gary's Corollary may require a bit of "tough love". Not so for me. In toss-up situations, I must opt for Love.

Thanks to Gary's Corollary, a decision I agonized over for weeks has suddenly become rather simple. Love and Grace must be extended to Snape. Easier said than done? In a Gary's Dictum sort of way, I consider that an encouraging sign.

As is often the case with good insights, once discovered they prove useful elsewhere too. I was in the city a few days ago and drove by a beggar looking for a handout. Did I give him some money? No... but by the time I drove by him, Gary's Corollary had hit me over the head like a two-by-four.

For several decades I have struggled with the beggar's dilemma.

Put money in the cup? (But they will likely drink it away! But...)

Don't put money in the cup? (But God calls us to remember the poor!)

Today I have my answer. For me, Gary's Corollary says I need to put money in the cup more often. And look the beggar in the eye.

Thank you, Gary.