Two Compliments Don't Unwind A Single Insult

I guess the title says it all, but this phrase came to me as I reflected recently on hurts visited upon me.

Get slammed. Then get a compliment or two. All better?

No.

Slams hurt. There is an evil person in my life whose motto might be more closely aligned with "One compliment absolves me of my last ten vicious attacks." This person is not approachable in any manner, so I just have to take the eleven things said and pray for God's grace to bear up.

But I see this dynamic at work even in my interactions with certain souls who love me deeply. When they perceive that they have unkindly slammed me, the compliment factory kicks into gear. But no number of compliments can unwind an insult.

What, then, does unwind an insult? Confession. Both words start with "C" but they are different birds indeed.

Confessions require great humility and brokenness. We must be brought low in order to bring a true confession forth. We must, like a dog, roll over and exposes our belly. We give the other party an opportunity to forgive us... or to stab us in the gut.

It's much easier to toss out a compliment! Compliments can be given from a position of safety — even authority. They can be dispensed downward. That's why they are of no use when the order of the day is to unwind an insult. Compliments compound the problem, rather than rectify it.

It's not that I don't appreciate compliments — but after I have been insulted unkindly, a compliment is not the right antidote. On the heels of an insult, a compliment brings resentment, not healing. A package deal of insults and compliments reminds me that I'm being evaluated. Not loved. That's how it works out in practice for me, in any case.

Perhaps the situation is different for others, but I suspect not, and here's why: I play this game myself. I wish I could say that I don't. But I do. And the game doesn't work for me either. I have doled out compliments in lieu of confessions and have witnessed the same outcome.

For starters, the compliment sounds hollow and tinny coming from my lips. It doesn't even sound good to me. Furthermore, more often than not I can tell by the response I get (silent or otherwise) from the recipient of my verbal largesse that it didn't do much for them either.

Lord, grant me the wisdom to hold off on the insults in the first place. But failing that, grant me humility afterwards to confess and repent...

...and save my compliments for later.