But I do thank God for losing it yesterday, and for two reasons.
First, our church is going through a mini-hell right now. There are (or were) about 7 full-time staff there, but yesterday at 4pm we as a church gathered late in the afternoon to hear five (5) of them explain why they had resigned and would be moving on within a week or two.
This blog post isn't about that situation, but here's the thing. I drove to church in a panic (would I find my phone?) and returned in great peace (I found it!). That whole cycle of stress was 10 times higher than the concern I had about the sermon being given to a church in turmoil.
In short, my body, through elevated stress and adrenaline, informed me yesterday that my phone is a hell of a lot more important to me than my church.
Let that one sink in.
I reflected on that reality as I drove home. Well, frankly, I've been through a few church hells before, and I keep my heart from entanglements in that arena. So kudos to me for "holding on loosely" to church, but clinging tightly to Jesus.
But Jesus loves his church, and ours is hurting. Losing my phone was a blessing--a reminder for me to rethink my commitment to the body of Christ I am a member of.
The second blessing struck me as I was nearing the end of my drive home, my phone safely on the seat next to me. Another car performed a perfectly legal and fine move. They slowed down in front of me so as to turn into a strip mall.
Now I know perfectly well that on some days I might have cursed my choice to end up by accident in the slow lane, and maybe I'd have been a little miffed at no one in particular. All over a slowed vehicle that cost me five seconds. On this day, however, I was too busy being blissful to have my phone back to let that slowing car get in the way of my joy.
What a helpful reminder of how I should handle all of life. As so many sermons and books (and, hmmmm, I think a parable or two from Jesus himself?) repeat ad nauseum, I have been forgiven infinitely much. I should therefore in turn be ever so eager to forgive others.
But most of the time that's not how I operate.
I'm just that gracious when I'm thankful to have my phone back.
Ouch.
So thank you, Lord, for helping me to lose that phone for 30 minutes. And for returning it to me. And for the two heart checks the entire exercise brought to my attention.
I need to care about my church more, while it suffers. And while our pastor and elders should face consequences for all the grievous mistakes made, I myself need to work on forgiving them from a state of bliss.
Because I am forgiven, too.
